I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
