my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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