The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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