Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
