i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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