Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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