im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
