his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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