She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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