a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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