In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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