Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
