no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
