you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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