Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
