I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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