Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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