I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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