She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
