i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
