i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
