my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
