i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His nipple licking is glorious
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