She said her name was "party"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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