i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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