Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
