i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
