mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
