i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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