Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
