Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
