i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
