are you so shy because you have an std?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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