So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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