He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
