Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
