I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
