He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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