addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
