I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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