a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
