im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
