Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
