he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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