My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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