I accidentally burped into my bong.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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