JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
