I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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