STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
