Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
