Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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