idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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